Okay, so the week from hell part 2! No car, and tons of work. Am I being punk’d? I wanted to go fishing in the keys next week…this is crazy….maybe I’ll try to rent a car and go….my mom was all happy about the road trip. Whatever, I’m broke so it probably won’t happen. I need a sponsor….60 cents day…lol. I’m done.
*Peace*
So, let just say this past week was hell personified as M.C. in the flesh. Let just say, 1) I spent my Sunday in the hospital, for what was thought to be an overdose on meds you cannot O.D. on….dumbasses, I was technically drunk…The medical field has thus far proved to me that if you’re going to be in certain situations, you’re better off dying at home….just an opinion. 2) Found out that “Edwards” should probably not be my surname….about 95% sure. Actually, the name is just mine because of legal reasons…hence the hyphenation. Put it all together….please don’t ask what I mean by points 1 & 2.
Let’s just say, I now feel like myself again. I feel like a fervent, vital, human being with ever much a purpose as anyone else. I feel like am here to give’em hell. Which is what my plan is…..give’em hell. So, I love giving hell, and I sometimes get it back, but it’s all good. I’ve got people. And I am not crazy, I’m the anti-crazy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it……! I like that line…and I’m done….If have more to say I will say it.
*Eh, Drugs, not Hugs….just kidding, Peace!!!!!
I will just be as brief as possible, but does love really exist? I have not experienced it. Maybe I’m broken or something, but I don’t get it. I try to be nice, I do all the right things and yet I don’t get reciprocated with “loving” feelings, I get hostility and apathy. I feel as if love is kind of made up between 2 parties and that it doesn’t really exists. You get that nice feeling of having someone,and others will reinforce it, but is that really love? Doing what everyone wants and getting a cookie for it? C’mon. Recently this week I was told that I was so unique( I’m not tooting my own horn here), that I will constantly feel rejected and outcast because I have such strong views and beliefs about certain issues. I am constantly feeling lonely because I don’t fit in. I guess the only privilege I get is being a male, I don’t use it to degrade women, but I’m aware of certain boys club stuff that goes on and that I’m a part of it. Other than that, I don’t fit in anywhere else. Actually scratch the boys club B.S., I get offered, but I don’t fit in. I get criticized for not being a man when I get into that shit, and I just want to start stabbing throats. I recently joined a church and instantly felt outcaste. I don’t share commonalities with the “normal” population of guys and I seem to make every male I come into contact with very uncomfortable, not to mention I share very differently interests. I just feel so outcasted and I don’t know where I fit! I don’t fit in any community. I have hangs ups with everyone and I try to drop them, but they fundamental to who I am. I stand for a lot and guess my low tolerance levels scares people. but could there be someone out there that admires that? the would love that? does love exist? right now for me, no, it does not!
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