I haven't’ been writing as much I as would have liked and although disappointing, not unexpected. I tend to have this pattern where I start something and if something else is more pertinent, I don’t finish. Anyhow, with my classes coming up and several other commitments, I thought I would try to write a bit and see what comes of it.
I have made a couple of realizations this year, as with every year that passes, but this year seems to be a year of revelations. I seem to view life from a whole new lens. It seems that through some experiences I have had, life is really not about nailing things that we think we should (such as college, relationships, kids, jobs, etc), but it is more about the what happened between these events. I used to (and still in some ways) think in a very linear manner. That is, after I graduated college, I must find the most suitable job, and once I have the job, I must have this and accomplish that. I just want to move down the imaginary line of life, connecting all the dots of my life, and with a sense of urgency. What I have realized in the last couple of months, is that no such thing really exists. We create these urgent timelines that do not exist.
Now, I have goals and I’m in no way implying that we should not try to meet our goals, it’s just when the fixation with completing a goal takes over our lives. The urgency is based on what? Perceived loss of status? What? I don’t know…And since I’ve been questioning my motivation for my goals, many things have fallen off the list of things to do. In fact, I think much of what I wanted to do with my life was based on so many other peoples influences. It was what, I guess, a decent life would look like. The funny thing is, I've accomplished a lot, and it feels utterly empty. It means nothing to me. So, to continue down a linear path of urgency and deadlines makes no sense. After all, I would be making empty choices and empty decisions. So, the realization is that life is a journey, a road trip, a homage, to get somewhere….and it should be some were you want to go.
More later…Mike. *Peace*